Are We the Problem That Our Children Are Too Lazy to Speak?

     Let's take a quick look at what communicating interacts. When you are having a conversation with someone you usually have one person who is talking and the other listening. You continue to take turns in a back and forth conversation. This allows one to understand what is being spoken, then think and compile what they will say, and finally reply. Now, picture yourself having a conversation with another individual who is talking at the same time you are talking. Picture them interrupting you before you even start and/or finish your sentence. How would that make you feel? Frustrated, upset, annoyed, angry, sad, not interested anymore and might even move along with your day. You might even ignore and show no more interest in that individual who has no sense of patience to listen to you. Am I right? So, let me ask you this, why do we do it with babies? Why do we not give them enough time to communicate their needs or feelings? Why do we just assume they are helpless and need our help? Can they not point to an object, look over to what they want, gesture or babble a conversation with us on their own? I honestly, believe that as parents we get so caught up in life and all the hectic schedules around us that we do not have TIME anymore. We are making life easy for our children. There is no need for them to say milk when they know if they cry and cry you will offer milk and a hug. There is no need for them to tell you how they are feeling; when all they have to do is point to an object or a person and you finish off their sentence. We are making life too easy for our children and at the same time we are depriving them of rich language.

     How can we solve this issue? We need to SLOW down. We need to meet them at their level and use eye contact and give them time to express what they want, need and feel. We need to role model proper communication skills. We need to role model the speaker and listener. We need to be patient and wait for them to babble, coo, point, and use their words/body language before we respond. What do I mean? I'll give you a example:

9 month old baby B sits by the window and plays with a car. He is rolling it back and forth, back and forth. Teacher is sitting at the child's level and notes that she loves the red car he is playing with. She stops and waits for a response. Baby B then looks up and says, "broom!" Teacher waits and as Baby B shows her how the car brooms. Then she says, "yes, a car goes broom broom, you are right Baby B!" He then gets up and looks over to the window and points to a car outside and says broom. Teacher then sits up on her knees and looks out the window at the same level of the child. She notices the cars that Baby B is pointing at, and expresses she sees the white and black cars outside and praises him. Baby B starts to laugh and bounce with excitement. 

This teacher was at eye level and was patient when speaking, listening and replying to baby B. She modelled proper communication strategies of a back and forth conversation. She provided baby with new language, such as the colours white and black. Plus, she is empowering a child to express himself and take risks in communicating more often; since he was taken serious and was understood.

     It is never too young to have a conversation with your child and build their vocabulary and empower their self-esteem. I get parents that ask me, why their child is not communicating their needs when they know the words to use. I go in for a visit and after the first 20 minutes, I notice most often these three things:

• parents finish off their children's sentences
• parents give them too many options to choose from and the child is confused - this leads to the parents becoming impatient in front of an open fridge and they make the decision for the child
• children have tantrums because they are not being understood 

As parents we are continuing to learn and grow with our children. Trust me when I say, your child is not making life difficult for you. They are trying to learn how to live in the life we are building for them. We need to provide them with multiple opportunities to build onto their language and cognitive skills. We need to have patience and listen. We need to be role models. We need to view our children as capable beings and not fragile little ones that know nothing. They will find a way to communicate their needs and wants to us, just wait. We need to take a step back and take things slow. It is a very difficult thing to do! However, if we do accomplish this, we will be looking at the world through a new lens. We will raise strong, independent individuals who have a voice in the world!